just for fun he says, get a job

20Jun08

I didn’t want to blog about this, because blogging about it would be acknowledging it, and acknowledging it would mean hoping for it, and hoping for it would mean I want it. And wanting it would mean (with my luck) that it wouldn’t happen.

Back in April, when I really started preparing for what leaving school would mean, I spent several days sending out resume after resume after resume. One day, I customized 12 different resumes and cover letters for 12 different positions. For the most part, it’s been radio silence from the other end.

However, some of you will remember the failed, but highly anticipated Boston/Salem interview debacle. And some of you might remember me mentioning that I’d had a really great phone interview for a job in Nashville while I was at home on vacation.

Honestly, I figured I was out of the running for the job in Nashville when my interviewer asked about my availability and I explained about Bosnia. He said he’d get back to me in a few days and I never heard from him. I was disappointed, but not crushed.

Today, in a surprising turn of events, I received a voicemail from my interviewer saying they’d like to squeeze me in for an interview before I leave for Bosnia. His message was kind of vague and he hinted at an in-person interview and a start date of JULY 18 – as in, the day after I get back from Bosnia.

I called him back as soon as I left work, and left a voicemail because I didn’t get an answer. That was around 2:00 this afternoon. I called him an hour later when I hadn’t heard back. Then a half-hour after that. I called him every half-hour for the rest of the day, finally giving up and leaving a second message around 5:00.

I keep running a mental list of all the worst-case scenarios that might explain why he didn’t answer his phone at all this afternoon, and why I never heard back. He said in his voicemail that he knows I’m leaving on the 25th, and I got the sense that he understood the urgency of the situation.

So now I wait. I’ve acknowledged the situation and what it potentially means: I would somehow have to fit in packing, loading Dad’s truck, and getting to Nashville and back to DC by Wednesday. Keeping the best-case scenario a viable option in my mind adds a slightly higher degree of stress: I somehow secure an apartment in Nashville between now and Wednesday, when I leave, find the money to put down a deposit (and still have money for even the bare minimum of necessities while in Bosnia), and between 2:30 pm Eastern time on July 17 when I land and 9:00 am Central time on July 18 when I would hypothetically begin working, recover from an eight-hour jet-lag and drive to Nashville.

If you had ‘freaking out’ in the range of possible emotions I might be feeling right now, you win.

And this is exactly why I didn’t want to blog about this. Not only have I acknowledged every possible outcome of this situation (including not hearing back before I leave; including not getting the job at all) but I’ve clearly demonstrated that I want this job. And my track record with jobs I really want and really get excited about is that they fall through.

It must be karma. Or some oddly unintelligible way the universe works: the second I open my mouth with anything resembling optimism is the second the universe blows out that candle.*

I’m just going to say it, and let the universe do with it what it will: I want to start my career. I want to move to Nashville. And I really, really want this job.

*For the record, I don’t actually believe this. Several events in my life have just worked out that way.

Filed under: Work   |  2 Comments
Tags: anxiety, job search, preparing

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